THE FINITE WE by JENN LAGUARDIA

1. I like giving up on you. Pretending we’re finite. But you and me, we could go on forever. Or as long as forever lasts. But nothing is ever really infinite. It’s a pretty idea. It shines in the dark and it glimmers and it’s beautiful. Beautiful. But you and me, we’ll end.

2. And that’s okay. Because I like endings.

3. We stopped talking. Someone picked up the phone. We stopped talking. This time, I gave up on you. We started talking. This time, it felt like you were holding onto me. We stopped talking.

4. The good things and the bad things and the things that made me want to crawl back inside myself out of fear—because sometimes I’m scared and it’s the infinite that scares me. I want the good things to last but what about the bad? The truly awful? The hurt without relief? Infinite isn’t always pretty. But all of it eventually ends.

5. You and me don’t talk anymore. I know I said that already, but I want to say it again. You and me, we don’t talk anymore. But when we do, fuck, when we do, isn’t finite a bitch?

6. I like endings. They make room for new beginnings. Clean slates. Fresh starts. Everything about beginning sounds good, doesn’t it? But we can’t begin without an end. And it’s the endings that make room for that tiny space to open up, memories readying themselves as fill-ins just in case the new doesn’t shine as bright.

7. You and me, we have so many memories. Too many memories. But how about we make a memory? One last time. You and me. The finite we.

8. You give up on me every time. I like endings so I let you. You give up on me every time. I like starting over so I let you. You give up on me for always but nothing lasts forever.

9. We give up on each other. We don’t pick up the phone. We don’t write. We wait before hitting send. Can’t be too eager. Can’t be too available. Can’t be too… Too.. We’re finite. Everyone is. But still…

10. If you can hear me, this is what I want to tell you. If you can read me, this is what I wanted to say. If you know me, you’ll know. And I hope you know.

11. We can be, we are, we will be… No.

12. No more. That’s it. You did what you set out to do. Thank you. You changed my life for always. I appreciate you. The end. We did what we set out to do. I miss you. I’ll miss you. I loved you. I love you.

13. And hey, don’t worry too much about me. It hurts, but don’t you remember? I’ve always liked endings.

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About the Author: Jennifer LaGuardia received her degree in Literary Studies: Creative Writing from The New School: Eugene Lang. She has been writing since kindergarten, although since then she has stopped drawing stick figures to accompany her pieces. Her work has been featured in Prosaic Magazine, where she is a writer, and Hemingway’s Playpen. She lives in New York and can currently be found over at YeahWriters as a Peer Workshopper. You can follow her on Tumblr where she sometimes posts original pieces but mostly spams too much Doctor Who and Breaking Bad. (Tumblr: ladyjennjenn.tumblr.com)

Story Song: “The Scientist” by Coldplay